Always and Forever Read online

  It didn’t get much more official than that.

  Chapter 7

  “It’s about ruddy time,” Gareth said once the squeals died down following the announcement made in the front hall. “And in case my dear cousin forgot to do so, Grace, I’d like to apologize on his behalf for taking so long.”

  Grace shifted a sleepy Annabelle from one hip to the other. The little girl nestled into the crook of her neck, her favorite stuffed giraffe—still sporting a cast made of Spiderman bandages from their time at the cottage—clutched in one chubby arm. Grace smiled over her niece’s head at Gareth as the other kids retreated back down the hallway to the kitchen and the snack interrupted by Sean and Grace’s arrival.

  “Don’t be too hard on him. It’s not like he didn’t ask before. It’s just—”

  “Just that he didn’t ask properly,” Gareth said. He shook his head at Sean, adding in a mutter, “I still can’t believe you proposed over dirty dishes. Are you sure we’re related?”

  “Oh, leave the poor man alone.” Gwyn gave him a nudge in the ribs with her elbow. “The important thing is, he did ask, and she said yes.”

  “True,” her husband agreed. “Which leads to the next important thing. When?”

  Grace exchanged glances with her new fiancé. Sean raised an eyebrow. She shrugged. “I don’t—”

  “We haven’t—” Sean began at the same time.

  “Soon.” Gwyn’s voice overrode both theirs. She crossed her arms atop her belly bulge and looked pointedly at Grace. “Very soon.”

  Grace blushed. Sean coughed. Gareth raised an eyebrow. Silence descended on the front hall.

  At last Gareth cleared his throat. “I get the distinct impression I’m missing something here,” he said. “What gives?”

  Sean looked askance at Grace. She hesitated for a moment, biting her bottom lip. Then she shrugged a surrender. Why not tell Gareth? Why not tell everyone? It wasn’t like keeping it a secret would make it any less—

  “Grace is pregnant,” Sean said, with such pride underlining the announcement that Grace blinked at him. He grinned boyishly back and sidled over to slide an arm around her waist. He dropped a kiss on her forehead, his lips warm against her skin. “We are pregnant,” he corrected.

  Grace’s heart swelled. Maybe this would be okay after all. It would take some adjustment, sure, but they already had four, and with Sean on board and by her side, what was one more? She stretched up to return his kiss, pressing her lips to his as Gwyn squealed and threw her arms around them both, group-hug style.

  “I knew he’d be okay with it!” she exclaimed. She planted sound kisses on each of their cheeks, including Annabelle’s, and gave them another squeeze, pulling them as close as her belly would allow. “I’m so happy for you!”

  Behind her, Gareth started to laugh. And laugh, and laugh, and—

  “Seriously?” Sean scowled at him. “That’s your response to the news?”

  Gareth laughed some more. “Don’t get me wrong,” he managed between guffaws, waving a dismissive hand at his cousin as his wife planted fists on hips and glared at him. “I’m thrilled for you. But after all the grief you’ve given me, and all the vows you’ve made over the years about no commitment and no kids, and now this?” He waved his hand again, encompassing Grace and Annabelle along with the back of the house where the rest of the kids had gone. “I’m entitled to a certain amount of amusement here, McKittrick.”

  “Your amusement sounds suspiciously like gloating,” Gwyn said.

  “That, too,” he agreed. There wasn’t so much as a hint of apology in his voice, but after a glance at his wife, he made a visible effort to control himself. Dancing dark eyes turned to Grace. “Congratulations,” he said. “And I do mean that, Grace. From the bottom of my heart.”

  “Thank y—” she broke off at a movement in the hallway behind Gareth. Shifting her Annabelle load again, she leaned to the left, looking past him. Her gaze found Josh, standing at the kitchen entrance, near enough to have overheard their conversation. Flat, expressionless brown eyes stared back at her from behind wire-rimmed glasses, and in a heartbeat, she remembered the stories Julianne had told her about Barry’s impatience whenever there had been a new addition to the family. His temper where the other kids were concerned. How Josh, as the oldest, had caught the brunt of that temper, especially after Annabelle had come.

  How Josh would almost certainly remember all of that.

  Grace’s breath caught in her chest, tangling with the guilt already there. “Josh—” She reached out a hand toward her nephew, who radiated fear.

  “Grace?” Sean murmured beside her. “What’s wrong?”

  Hands fisted at his sides, Josh turned on his heel and walked away.

  ***

  The ride home was a silent one. Grace’s terse explanation of Josh’s behavior had been like a bucket of ice water dumped over the celebratory mood in Gwyn and Gareth’s front hall, effectively ending the conversation. The kids, sensing the change in atmosphere, had gathered up their things without objection. Gwyn had helped them pack toys into knapsacks while Gareth had tied Sage’s shoes, and Josh had retreated to the van to wait for everyone. He hadn’t spoken a word, then or since.

  Sean glanced into the rearview mirror as he turned onto their street. In the deeply shadowed seat two rows back, he could only just make out the boy’s hunched form crowded against the vehicle window. Sean gritted his teeth against the simmering anger that had settled into his core. His hands tightened on the steering wheel he wished was Barry Walsh’s throat. The damage that man had done to those poor—

  Grace shifted in the seat next to him. He reached over to twine his fingers with hers, welcoming the distraction.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “We’re never going to be rid of him, are we?” she whispered, her voice raw.

  She didn’t have to say Walsh’s name. It already hung like a pall over their entire company—as it had to one degree or another every single day, if Sean was honest. A wave of helplessness swamped him. He squeezed her fingers. “We’ll figure it out,” he said. “Things will get better, Grace. I promise.”

  She nodded, but she didn’t return the pressure of his squeeze. Sean withdrew his hand and signaled for the turn into their driveway. They unloaded the vehicle in the same silence in which they’d driven home. Lilliane took Sage by the hand and led her up the walkway to the house, Josh gathered up their knapsacks from the rear hatch, and Sean lifted a sleeping Annabelle from her car seat. Grace trailed after him, her face drawn tight with worry and fatigue. Josh didn’t look at either of them when they reached the front porch, and the instant Sean unlocked the door, he pushed past him into the house and bolted down the hall toward the basement and his bedroom, not even pausing to remove his shoes.

  Grace started after him, but Sean caught her arm and held her back. “No,” he said. “Let me.”

  “Are you sure? He’s—”

  “Terrified,” Sean answered. “I know. That’s why it should be me, if you’re okay with putting the girls to bed.”

  She hesitated, then nodded, accepting his words and the transfer of Annabelle to her arms. The lines of worry around her eyes didn’t ease, however, and Sean stroked back her hair with gentle fingers. “We’ll figure it out,” he said again. “Together. I promise.”

  Tears welled in the dark chocolate eyes, and Sage sidled closer to her aunt, pressing against her hip. Sean’s jaw clenched. It was a damn good thing Barry Walsh was in prison right now—for his own sake. He dropped a kiss on Grace’s head and said briskly, “Right. Bedtime for everyone. We have a wedding to plan, remember? And if you two” —he ruffled Sage and Lilliane’s hair— “are going to be flower girls, you’re going to need your sleep so you have lots of energy. We can’t have you falling over halfway through the ceremony now, can we?”

  Lilliane’s eyes grew round, and she looked to Grace for confirmation. “Really? We really really get to be flower girls?”

  Gra
ce shot Sean a look of pure gratitude, then smiled down at her niece. “Of course. Who else would I trust to escort me down the aisle?”

  Lilliane squealed and clapped, then she grabbed Sage’s hands and began bouncing up and down. “Flower girls, flower girls,” she chanted. “Sagey, we’re going to be flower girls! At a real wedding!”

  She stopped mid-bounce and turned to Sean. “We’ll need dresses,” she announced. “Long ones. Like princesses wear. Right, Sagey?”

  Sage nodded solemn agreement, and Sean hid a grin. “I suppose you will. But shopping takes a lot of energy, too, you know. And to make energy, you need—”

  Lilliane pulled her sister up the stairs with her, not waiting for him to finish. “Come on, Sage! We need to get to bed so we get lots of sleep. I’ll race you!”

  The thunder of feet faded down the upstairs hallway, and Sean looked down at Grace again. “Better?” he asked.

  “Better,” she agreed. “Thank you.”

  He stroked the cheek of the toddler still passed out on her shoulder. Annabelle, once sleeping, did not wake easily. “You okay to carry her up?”

  “I’m fine. You’re sure you’re okay to talk to Josh?”

  “Totally. I’ll be up soon.” Sean watched Grace begin the climb up the stairs, and when he was satisfied the child she carried wasn’t too great a burden, he slipped off his shoes and followed in Josh’s wake, making a mental note to talk to Grace again about moving. He knew she had all kinds of emotional attachments to the townhouse because of her sister, but as mature an eleven-year-old as Josh might be, he still shouldn’t be sleeping alone in a basement. They needed more bedrooms, period. Four, assuming Sage and Lilliane continued to sha—

  Sean’s step hitched, and he nearly fell headfirst down the last two basement stairs. Wait. Make that five bedrooms, even if Sage and Lilli did share. Five, because the baby would need one, too. His baby. His and Grace’s. Holy hell. He wasn’t just going to get married, he was going to be a father. Stepping onto the laminate-covered basement floor, he looked at the closed door of Josh’s room. A wry smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

  Correction: he was going to be a father again. Because damned if he didn’t already think of himself as exactly that already. As cobbled-together as this family might be, it was his family, and somehow, sooner or later, he would exorcise Barry Walsh’s ghost from it. For good.

  “Josh?” He tapped at the boy’s door. “It’s me. Can I come in?”

  Chapter 8

  “Aunt Grace? Is Josh mad at you?” Lilliane emerged from the Wonder Woman t-shirt Grace had helped tug over her head and fixed her aunt with a solemn stare.

  “No, sweetie. He’s not angry. He’s just...things are a little...” Grace looked down at her niece, uncertain how to proceed. As she was so much of the time when it came to this whole parenting gig. She heaved a sigh. Hell, who was she kidding? She wasn’t just uncertain, she was completely out of her depth and floundering—every single minute of every day. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and gnawed at it. She had no idea how much to say, how little to say, or whether to say anything at all. Should she push the kids to talk about all that had happened in their young lives or just leave them to heal in their own way? Some days they seemed fine, coping and adjusting better than she’d ever hoped...and other days ended like this one, in a hot mess.

  Lilliane pulled her pajama shirt on and returned to watching Grace. “Is it because he’s afraid you won’t want us anymore after you have the baby?”

  The air wheezed from Grace’s lungs. She gaped at her niece. “I—you—how—?”

  Lilliane frowned. “You will still want us, won’t you?”

  The question, backed by just a hint of uncertainty, ripped Grace’s heart from her chest and dropped her to her knees. She pulled the little girl into her arms and hugged her fiercely. “Of course I’ll still want you. I will always want you, Lilli. Don’t you ever doubt that, not even for a second, do you understand?”

  “All of us?” a small voice asked against the side of her neck.

  Grace squeezed her eyes closed and tightened her hold on the little body. “All of you,” she affirmed. “Every single one. Because I love you. Okay?”

  Lilli’s head nodded against her. “Okay.”

  Grace pulled back a few inches. “And now I have to ask—how in the world did you know about the baby?”

  “I saw the boxes in the shopping cart. You know. The test ones. I told Sage about them, too, but I said it was a secret. Mommy used one of them when she got pregnant with Annabelle.” Lilli frowned again. “But she only needed one, and you had four. Does that mean you’re having four babies?”

  Grace almost choked. “Dear lord, I hope not! One is quite enough, I think.”

  “I think so, too. It’s getting awfully crowded around here.”

  Out of the mouths of babes. Grace sighed. She regarded her niece, one eyebrow raised. “You’ve been talking to Sean, haven’t you?”

  “Of course I talk to Sean. I see him every day.” Lilli planted hands on hips and narrowed her eyes. “Are you going to get all forgetful like Mommy did when she had Annabelle in her tummy?”

  “That’s not what I—” Grace waved away her words. “Never mind. And yes, you’re right. It is getting a bit crowded around here. How would you feel about moving to a bigger house?”

  A new pair of small arms wrapped around her neck, and Grace glanced sideways to find Sage returned from brushing her teeth.

  “Can it have a swing set like Nicky and Maggie have?” the younger girl whispered.

  “Ooh!” Lilli clapped her hands. “And a playhouse! Can it have a playhouse?”

  “We’ll have to see...” Grace’s heart twisted as both girls’ faces dropped. “But I’m sure we can put them in if they’re not already there,” she added. “If I see two little girls tucked up into bed by the time I count to three. One...two...two and a half...two and three-quarters...two and seven-eighths...”

  Giggling, Lilli and Sage leaped onto their respective beds and scrambled under the covers.

  “Ready!” Sage cried.

  “Three!” Grace exclaimed, climbing to her feet. “Just in time. You’re so lucky.”

  She delivered the customary hug and kiss to Sage, then shuffled two feet sideways to Lilli’s bed, stepping on a book as she did. Yup. It was definitely a bit crowded around here. She’d raise the idea of moving with Sean in the morning—not that she expected much in the way of resistance. He’d been trying to talk her into it for almost six months, but she hadn’t been ready to take on another change. Or to leave the house where Julianne had—

  “Aunt Grace?” Lilli was holding up her arms for her hug.

  “Sorry, sweetie. I was just thinking about the new house idea.” Grace blinked back the prickle of tears and leaned down to embrace her oldest niece, inhaling the soft smell of innocence. “Sweet dreams, darling girl. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” Lilli planted a damp kiss on her cheek, then settled back on the pillow. “Aunt Grace? Is Sean going to be angry when you have the baby? I think that’s what’s bothering Josh. I didn’t tell him about the test boxes because I knew he’d worry about us. It’s what big brothers do.”

  Agony shafted through Grace’s core, knocking the support right out of her legs. She sagged onto the side of the bed. “Oh, Lilli,” she whispered. She swallowed hard against equal parts pain and cold rage. No eight-year-old should have to think about things like this. If only Barry hadn’t broken her arm at the cottage—if only she’d been able to put her full strength behind that kick and give him what he’d truly deserved for all the damage he’d—

  “Aunt Grace?” Lilli’s voice pulled her back again. Gently, Grace smoothed back her niece’s hair and answered the question.

  “Sean is going to be happy when the baby is born,” she promised. “And he’ll never, ever be angry the way your father was. Not ever. Understand?”

  Lilli nodded, but she wasn’t done yet. �
�Aunt Grace? Is it okay that I still miss Mommy sometimes?”

  And the knives in her heart kept coming. Grace closed her eyes again, waiting out the new stab of pain. “It’s more than okay, Lilli. It’s perfectly normal. I miss her, too. Every day.” She looked over at Sage, then down at Lilli again. “My bed?” she suggested. “Just until you fall asleep?”

  Both girls nodded vigorously and threw back their covers. Together, they raced ahead of Grace, down the hallway toward the room she shared with Sean. She had no doubt in her mind that he’d be fine with finding them there when he came up. This had been the norm for the first few months of life together, when Julianne’s death and the trauma of their father’s actions had been fresh and raw in all their minds. Sage and Lilli between them in the king-sized bed, Josh frequently curled up on a nest of blankets at the foot. Sometimes Grace would return each to their rooms after a while, carrying her nieces and leading an almost sleepwalking Josh, and sometimes she would wake to Sean propped on one elbow, regarding her ruefully across the sleeping bodies.

  Grace smiled at the memory as she followed in her nieces’ tracks. And any man who’d stick around through all of that?

  How could she have ever doubted him?

  Chapter 9

  Sean switched on the bedside lamp and then settled onto the foot of the twin mattress, careful to keep his distance from the thin, eleven-year-old body facing the wall. Even so, Josh curled up smaller, shrinking away from him. Sean’s lips thinned. He cleared his throat. “So that was a lot of news to take in tonight.”

  Josh didn’t reply.

  Leaning forward, Sean rested elbows on knees and stared down at his linked fingers. “There’s been a lot to take in for a while now, hasn’t there?” he asked quietly. “A lot to deal with.”

  A tiny, choked sob reached him, and he squeezed his eyes shut. His hands tightened their grip on one another until his knuckles ached, and he wished with every particle of his being—again—that he could wrap them around Barry Walsh’s neck instead. He forced his tone level. “Your Aunt Grace thinks you might be worried about how I’ll behave with a new baby in the house. Is she right?”